Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
