I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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