why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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