my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
