Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
