I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
