i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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