Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
