Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
