got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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