I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
