i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
