i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
