I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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