I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
