i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
