I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
