You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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