This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
