Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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