I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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