Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
