I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He shit in the fireplace
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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