Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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