I just saw a hot homeless man
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this hospital has no fireball
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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