i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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