Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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