turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
