His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
