just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
