also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
