I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
