When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
