and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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