You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
