Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
