I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
