Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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