So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
