he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
