I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she told me i tasted like america
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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