just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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