hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
