Slut skills are useful in every country.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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