so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
