Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
