You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
