dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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