and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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