She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
