it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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