That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
