mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
