so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
