remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
