Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
