You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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