i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
