the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
