hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
