I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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