And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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