Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
