i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
