So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
