you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
