you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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