R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize