So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am available for nakedness
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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