I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
